Why Don't We Just Take Masyaf
by CheLeapofFaith
Summary: ...and push it somewhere else? I mean, what's the problem?  one shots of Altaïr, Ezio, Desmond, and other characters. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, this is going to be little funny/parody shots of Altaïr, Malik, Ezio, Desmond, ect. This first chapter, god...I was cracking up from typing it. I hope you do too. C:**

**I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS IN THIS DANG STORY GAWD DANGIT.**

;o;o;o;o;o;

"Mark my words, assassins, we will come back!" Robert de Sable threatened loudly, then called off his men, retreating. Malik heard cheers from some of his fellow assassins, but it disappeared when Al Mualim approached him.

"Malik, meet me in the library immediately!" he commanded to him.

"Yes, master," Malik replied and watched him walk away, and reluctantly, he followed the Grand Master slowly. Was he in trouble? He honestly couldn't tell if Al Mualim was mad at Malik, his brothers, or Robert de Sable. He didn't really remember doing anything that would make his master turn against him.

The assassin trudged up the hill, exhaustion suddenly taking over him quickly. He just couldn't wait to be in the comforts of his bed.

Malik entered the library and made his way to the section where the elder would be waiting for him. But to his surprise, Altaïr and two other brothers of theirs were standing by the desk, and Malik pushed his way to stand next to them.

"Ah, my children, you have all arrived. Now we may start this important meeting," Al Mualim began to talk, and all four sets of eyes stared at him. "You heard Sable's warning. He'll be back, and probably with twice as more men then today," the elder continued, "we have to decide what we are going to do then and before hand."

It got quiet in the room. The assassins were either staring at their feet or biting their bottom lips, obviously in lost thought. Malik focused his eyes at a feather sitting on the desk, becoming oblivious to everything else. Fighting and training came up in his head, but one assassin beat him to it.

"How about if we just train," the one named Sudfa said, "and get better so we can be ready for his next attack?"

Malik let out a grunt to show that he agreed with the young man, his head nodding to the assassin's words.

Al Mualim didn't answer until thinking about the option very carefully. He finally said, "That's a good idea, child. But I'm afraid we would lose more brothers then we did today."

"Did we lose a lot?" The other assassin, Alim, spoke up for the first time. He casually leaned on the desk, fiddling with his thumbs.

"There's no estimate number of how many we lost, but I'm sure it's many," Al Mualim sighed, rubbing his temples. "Death is a strange thing. We will miss the ones we have lost, but life must move on."

Nods of agreement came from the four men along with a few heavy sighs. The quietness lingered for a moment, and Malik shot a quick look at Altaïr. He had been very quiet the whole time; actually, Malik doesn't think he's spoken the entire meeting. He wondered what was going through the assassin's head.

Apparently Al Mualim had been thinking the same thing, because he asked, "Altaïr, why are you so quiet, my child?" He stroked his beard thoughtfully.

"Well..." Altaïr said, and cleared his throat and spoke a bit louder for everyone to hear, "I have an idea..."

"Then speak, my son." All eyes turned to him, and Malik noticed the assassin fidgeted with his hood before continuing.

"Okay, so, why don't we just, like, take Masyaf," Altaïr started, indicating with his hands, "And...push it somewhere else?"

Complete silence filled the room, and the young eagle shifted from foot to foot until Sudfa burst into laughter, leaning over the desk, clutching his stomach. Al Mualim and Alim shared an amused glance, while Malik just mentally facepalmed him.

"Oh, Altaïr...what are we going to do with you?" Malik asked, his lips twitching into a small smile.

"What?" Altaïr stared at them with confusion. "It could work!"

Another laughing fit from Sudfa could be heard, and Malik just shook his head.

;o;o;o;o;o;

**HAI GUISE. WHY DON'T WE JUST, LIEK, TAKE MASYAF, AND LIEK, MOVE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. **

**Dying.**


	2. Chapter 2

**HAI. BYE. I LOVE THIS. Okay so this happened in roleplay over Twitter.**

**I was, well, myself, and my friend played Altaïr. Legitimately, I died laughing when this happened. God. Good times. ANYWAYS.**

**NO DISCLAIMER I'M SICK OF THEM.**

;o;o;o;o;o;

So, the day had been normal. Woke up at 5:30AM, got ready, went to school, got home. But, it was particularly hot that day, and when I was walking home from where the bus had dropped me off, I felt like I was gonna melt into a puddle of sweat. It was really gross. Oh yeah, and the backpack with three textbooks and two binders and whatever else was in there was really heavy and not helping in any way. Not to mention I lost a contact at school, so everything was half-blurry, half-normal.

When I entered my house, my parents weren't home as usual, but my chocolate lab, Regan, greeted me with enthusiasm as I walked through the garage door.

"Hey Reg," was my usual hello to the dog, and I scratched him behind his ears. In response, he slobbered all over my hand. Just wonderful.

"Ugh..." I groaned and wiped the drool-covered hand on my blue jeans, disgusted.

I tossed my heavy book bag on the floor and raced upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. Grunting was heard in the game room, and I curiously peeked through the crack the door gave me. I chuckled at what I saw, and walked into the spacious room.

Altaïr was sitting in the green egg chair, looking quite comfortable. His feet were kicked up on the coffee table in front of his chair. I snuck a look at the TV and saw that the assassin was playing Assassin's Creed I. Oh, the irony. I giggled at the thought.

"Oh, you're home," he said, studying me momentarily before switching his gaze back to the game.

"I am," I said, collapsing into the chair next to his.

"Long day?" he easily guessed, stretching out his legs more, groaning.

I nodded slowly. "Be lucky you don't have to go to school. God, it's like eight hours of freakin' torture!"

Altaïr chuckled for a moment, a smirk on his lips.

"So, how was your day?" I asked, watching him play "his" game.

"Played this. It's...entertaining and time consuming."

"Dude, you're about to beat it! Having trouble with Maria?" I grinned, snickering.

The assassin growled and nodded, staring intently at the glowing TV screen.

"Don't worry Alty," I replied as I used his most famous nickname, "It took me a while to. Take out the easy guards first, and ignore the archers. Don't stop pressin' X!"

He smirked and nodded faintly, indicating that he would use my advice I gave him.

"I'm going to...uh, shower now," I said, standing up slowly. Altaïr made no response, so I made my way to the bathroom, closing the door softly.

I contemplated on whether to lock the door, but I realized I was being silly and idiotic. So, instead, I turned on the water, watching it fall steadily into the tub below it.

;o;o;o;o;o;

I wrapped the green towel around me rightly, stepping out of the shower. The bathroom was super hot, so I opened the door quietly, peering out both ways to make sure the hallway was Altaïr-free. When I was sure it was, I tip-toed softly to my room, staring at my feet.

Something large and well-built blocked my path. I looked up slowly to find myself staring at a certain assassin. I tried reading his expression, but it was emotionless. I gulped, backing away slightly.

"Why were you naked?" I froze when I heard those words come out of his mouth.

"W-What...?" I squeaked out, stuttering slightly.

"Why were you naked?" Altaïr asked again, blinking those magnificent gold eyes at me.

"Did...?" I stopped, clenching my teeth. "Did you go into the bathroom! While I was showering!"

". . ."

I glared at him, readjusting my towel self-consciously.

When he didn't say anything, I knew I was completely right, but I wasnt feeling satisfaction right then. That would have to wait until later.

"You...you pervert!" I shot out, raising my hand to slap the Master Assassin's face. He rubbed his cheek, staring.

I growled and pushed past him, into the safety of my room, and closed the door. My face turned red when I realized he had actually _seen _my body.

I groaned and flung myself onto my bed, realizing that if I had just locked the bathroom door, this wouldn't of ever happened.

;o;o;o;o;o;

ITS 3:00AM AND I HAVE TO GET UP FOR SCHOOL IN TWO HOURS. YOU'RE WELCOME.


End file.
